Monday, 9 April 2012

Seeing the end

The counter on this blog tells me I have 114 days on my mental calendar with memory tags attached to them since beginning this process.

I am able to recall every one of the memory tags. Even if I have a momentary lapse, the various techniques I've been developing call up the image. I've learned not to worry about it.

So it was this morning, thinking back through past Mondays. My recollection of 12 March 2012 didn't feel quite right. I could remember something that happened that day, but it wasn't the tag I'd chosen (which was the cry of delight when I surprised my wife with the mobile phone she thought she had lost).

I realised I was still a little groggy while trying to remember, having had a bit more alcohol to drink last night than is my usual habit. It will come back to me eventually, I told myself. As I had no rush to get out of bed, I ran back through the days sequentially and that limbering up of my memory muscles did the trick - seeing her phone on the table of a cafĂ© we visited a couple of day prior to her losing the phone reminded me of the tag.  The familiar sense of satisfaction of things snapping into place was my reward for remembering.

But it occurred to me that perhaps the day will come when the grogginess is permanent and the feeling of memory loss will be permanent. There will be no burst of clarity as an image pings back onto my mental calendar.

Hopefully exercising my memory will postpone that day. Various studies seem to suggest it should help.

But it was unsettling to think this is how it might feel if my memory does start to deteriorate.

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