My memory tag for 31 March 2012 is driving home with my wife and nephew and playing car games as we did so. His favourite was choosing a colour of car and seeing who could count the most. Top tip: choose white.
Another game was a memory test, where each person added an item to the list of things we were taking home.
When we went home we took some sandwiches.
When we went home we took some sandwiches and some fruit.
When we went home we took some sandwiches, some fruit and a vase for flowers.
And so on.
Reviewing memory tags for a specific day, as is my practice, has some similarities with this. Each day I am adding another image to the list for that day of the week.
Even though there is a week between each round of this memory game, it is not so challenging as the car version. In part this is because the events are real and significant, and in part because the surrounding days provide context which helps with recall.
Otherwise I'm not sure I'd be able to accumulate the number of memory tags I have.
Monday, 16 April 2012
Monday, 9 April 2012
Seeing the end
The counter on this blog tells me I have 114 days on my mental calendar with memory tags attached to them since beginning this process.
I am able to recall every one of the memory tags. Even if I have a momentary lapse, the various techniques I've been developing call up the image. I've learned not to worry about it.
So it was this morning, thinking back through past Mondays. My recollection of 12 March 2012 didn't feel quite right. I could remember something that happened that day, but it wasn't the tag I'd chosen (which was the cry of delight when I surprised my wife with the mobile phone she thought she had lost).
I realised I was still a little groggy while trying to remember, having had a bit more alcohol to drink last night than is my usual habit. It will come back to me eventually, I told myself. As I had no rush to get out of bed, I ran back through the days sequentially and that limbering up of my memory muscles did the trick - seeing her phone on the table of a café we visited a couple of day prior to her losing the phone reminded me of the tag. The familiar sense of satisfaction of things snapping into place was my reward for remembering.
But it occurred to me that perhaps the day will come when the grogginess is permanent and the feeling of memory loss will be permanent. There will be no burst of clarity as an image pings back onto my mental calendar.
Hopefully exercising my memory will postpone that day. Various studies seem to suggest it should help.
But it was unsettling to think this is how it might feel if my memory does start to deteriorate.
I am able to recall every one of the memory tags. Even if I have a momentary lapse, the various techniques I've been developing call up the image. I've learned not to worry about it.
So it was this morning, thinking back through past Mondays. My recollection of 12 March 2012 didn't feel quite right. I could remember something that happened that day, but it wasn't the tag I'd chosen (which was the cry of delight when I surprised my wife with the mobile phone she thought she had lost).
I realised I was still a little groggy while trying to remember, having had a bit more alcohol to drink last night than is my usual habit. It will come back to me eventually, I told myself. As I had no rush to get out of bed, I ran back through the days sequentially and that limbering up of my memory muscles did the trick - seeing her phone on the table of a café we visited a couple of day prior to her losing the phone reminded me of the tag. The familiar sense of satisfaction of things snapping into place was my reward for remembering.
But it occurred to me that perhaps the day will come when the grogginess is permanent and the feeling of memory loss will be permanent. There will be no burst of clarity as an image pings back onto my mental calendar.
Hopefully exercising my memory will postpone that day. Various studies seem to suggest it should help.
But it was unsettling to think this is how it might feel if my memory does start to deteriorate.
Friday, 6 April 2012
Good Friday
Today is Good Friday, a date fixed by the movement of the moon around the Earth to mark the crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth.
We watched a passion play over the internet from the church my wife attends when in her country.
As it built to the emotion of the crucifixion and the willing sacrifice of Jesus as a scapegoat for our sins, I am incredulous once again at the message of this religion.
I am told this was a loving act of God, sending Jesus to die in our place.
But I wonder at the concept that this loving God wanted me on that cross, wanted me to suffer and die, for the sin of being born into His creation.
I am amazed that this underlying message of unjustified wrath is simply ignored when we are told Easter is about our salvation.
When I think back to reading the Bible as a child, the requirement to sacrifice animals to atone for our acts struck me as barbaric and ignorant, a groping in the dark.
Yet, if Jesus had not yet come, this would surely still be demanded of us by Church ministers, telling me I am born into sin and so the lamb, the goat, the fatted calf, has to die as a sacrifice to appease God.
God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, we are told. If we weren't sitting in Church looking at the cross, we would be sitting in Church as the priests slaughtered the animals we had brought. That is the difference: Christ being the sacrifice to end all sacrifices.
Even though I was once sincerely a Christian, I could never accept the idea that God wants me to suffer and die as Christ suffered and died, as sacrificial animals before Him suffered and died.
The God that became a real presence to me many years ago is nurturing, showing me I am part of Creation, not a visitor to it to be punished for existing.
That day, I spontaneously cupped my hands to fill them from the mountain stream by which I sat and said again and again, "I drink your water", and was thankful.
We watched a passion play over the internet from the church my wife attends when in her country.
As it built to the emotion of the crucifixion and the willing sacrifice of Jesus as a scapegoat for our sins, I am incredulous once again at the message of this religion.
I am told this was a loving act of God, sending Jesus to die in our place.
But I wonder at the concept that this loving God wanted me on that cross, wanted me to suffer and die, for the sin of being born into His creation.
I am amazed that this underlying message of unjustified wrath is simply ignored when we are told Easter is about our salvation.
When I think back to reading the Bible as a child, the requirement to sacrifice animals to atone for our acts struck me as barbaric and ignorant, a groping in the dark.
Yet, if Jesus had not yet come, this would surely still be demanded of us by Church ministers, telling me I am born into sin and so the lamb, the goat, the fatted calf, has to die as a sacrifice to appease God.
God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, we are told. If we weren't sitting in Church looking at the cross, we would be sitting in Church as the priests slaughtered the animals we had brought. That is the difference: Christ being the sacrifice to end all sacrifices.
Even though I was once sincerely a Christian, I could never accept the idea that God wants me to suffer and die as Christ suffered and died, as sacrificial animals before Him suffered and died.
The God that became a real presence to me many years ago is nurturing, showing me I am part of Creation, not a visitor to it to be punished for existing.
That day, I spontaneously cupped my hands to fill them from the mountain stream by which I sat and said again and again, "I drink your water", and was thankful.
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Writing my story
Looking at my life as a book, the day that has passed is a page written by time, but I realise I have some leeway over how it is laid down in my memory.
Tuesday 3 April 2012 was a day of mixed fortunes.
A charity I have set up to support an African village received news of a small grant. Unfortunately this was a third of the sum asked for to enable a project to commence, meaning I now have a commitment to the funders to deliver the project, but need somehow to find the rest of the money.
At work, a totally unrelated charity, we had news that a major funder will provide a grant next year. But a smaller funder has told us they will not be able to provide a grant expected soon due to their own funding shortfall. So we have a black hole in the finances to fill if we are to reach next year.
Personally, I've been experiencing violent cracking from my neck as I spend so much time at the computer trying to keep on top of things.
On a more positive note, I received an iPhone that day for free. My old phone died on Sunday 1 April 2012 while I was in town with my nephew waiting for my brother. On 2 April, my memory tag is looking at second hand phones on the market for a cheap replacement - money is tight. Fortunately, it occurred to me to check with my service provider and I found I could have a free iPhone if I commit to another two years of my existing plan.
This and more are on the page of my life for that day.
My memory tag is meeting my wife in a café after a lunchtime concert she had attended and I caught the end off. My new phone is on the table and as I am relaxing with my wife, I am thinking that's three good developments today: a free iPhone, money for the African project and a big grant for work for next year.
I will carry that with me and look to future pages carrying the story of how the other problems were solved.
Maybe a little less stress will help my cracking neck.
Tuesday 3 April 2012 was a day of mixed fortunes.
A charity I have set up to support an African village received news of a small grant. Unfortunately this was a third of the sum asked for to enable a project to commence, meaning I now have a commitment to the funders to deliver the project, but need somehow to find the rest of the money.
At work, a totally unrelated charity, we had news that a major funder will provide a grant next year. But a smaller funder has told us they will not be able to provide a grant expected soon due to their own funding shortfall. So we have a black hole in the finances to fill if we are to reach next year.
Personally, I've been experiencing violent cracking from my neck as I spend so much time at the computer trying to keep on top of things.
On a more positive note, I received an iPhone that day for free. My old phone died on Sunday 1 April 2012 while I was in town with my nephew waiting for my brother. On 2 April, my memory tag is looking at second hand phones on the market for a cheap replacement - money is tight. Fortunately, it occurred to me to check with my service provider and I found I could have a free iPhone if I commit to another two years of my existing plan.
This and more are on the page of my life for that day.
My memory tag is meeting my wife in a café after a lunchtime concert she had attended and I caught the end off. My new phone is on the table and as I am relaxing with my wife, I am thinking that's three good developments today: a free iPhone, money for the African project and a big grant for work for next year.
I will carry that with me and look to future pages carrying the story of how the other problems were solved.
Maybe a little less stress will help my cracking neck.
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Turning the pages
Something remembering every day that passes bring home to me is just that - they all pass.
It would be possible to conceive of my life story as turning the pages of the future into the past.
I exist is on the page that is the present.
There are things to face in the future that I would rather avoid. Big things like the deaths of loved ones, smaller ones, like an ordeal I have coming up for work on 19 April.
However, difficult they may be, they will pass. Until the book of my life is closed.
It would be possible to conceive of my life story as turning the pages of the future into the past.
I exist is on the page that is the present.
There are things to face in the future that I would rather avoid. Big things like the deaths of loved ones, smaller ones, like an ordeal I have coming up for work on 19 April.
However, difficult they may be, they will pass. Until the book of my life is closed.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Living intensely
One of my early reservations about this process of remembering every day that passes was whether it would result in my focussing on the past instead of living in the present.
In practice, I am finding the opposite to be the case.
I seem to notice more about each day as I am living it. In part this is because, consciously or subconsciously, I am noting significant aspects or moments that may form part of my memory tag for my internal calendar. So today I registered that it was particularly warm and the leaves had sprouted on the horse chestnut trees along a familiar road. This is an appreciation of the here and now, made more pleasurable because I know I will remember it.
It is not just about noticing things to remember, but making the most of the time.
A while ago I came up against an obstacle to remembering as my mind seemed to rebel at the heightened awareness of my own mortality this process brings. The plus side is that this awareness stretches to appreciating this day will exist only once and then will reside, unchangeable, in my past.
As someone once said, at the end of my life I won't be reflecting on the days spent in the office, but the special moments shared and the unusual and exciting experiences.
In practice, I am finding the opposite to be the case.
I seem to notice more about each day as I am living it. In part this is because, consciously or subconsciously, I am noting significant aspects or moments that may form part of my memory tag for my internal calendar. So today I registered that it was particularly warm and the leaves had sprouted on the horse chestnut trees along a familiar road. This is an appreciation of the here and now, made more pleasurable because I know I will remember it.
It is not just about noticing things to remember, but making the most of the time.
A while ago I came up against an obstacle to remembering as my mind seemed to rebel at the heightened awareness of my own mortality this process brings. The plus side is that this awareness stretches to appreciating this day will exist only once and then will reside, unchangeable, in my past.
As someone once said, at the end of my life I won't be reflecting on the days spent in the office, but the special moments shared and the unusual and exciting experiences.
Monday, 2 April 2012
Flavour of days
Part of my routine of reviewing days already lived is to think back on what I was doing on the same day in past weeks.
Some days have a particular flavour to them. Saturdays and Sundays are a break from routine and so the images pinned to my internal calendar are more distinctive. They are often tied to each other and surrounding days, for example, if we have had visitors or made a trip. It is a particular pleasure to scan back through these days.
Thursdays currently have a special flavour too as my wife is doing an evening course and taking and/or collecting her will figure in the memory of the day, even if not the specific memory tag.
Anniversaries are significant by definition. The 14th is the monthly anniversary of our wedding, and we at least comment on it, usually meeting for lunch or doing something else to mark it. When a day coincides with the 14th it generally makes it much easier to remember.
Some days have a particular flavour to them. Saturdays and Sundays are a break from routine and so the images pinned to my internal calendar are more distinctive. They are often tied to each other and surrounding days, for example, if we have had visitors or made a trip. It is a particular pleasure to scan back through these days.
Thursdays currently have a special flavour too as my wife is doing an evening course and taking and/or collecting her will figure in the memory of the day, even if not the specific memory tag.
Anniversaries are significant by definition. The 14th is the monthly anniversary of our wedding, and we at least comment on it, usually meeting for lunch or doing something else to mark it. When a day coincides with the 14th it generally makes it much easier to remember.
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