Monday, 13 February 2012

Remembering to forget

Nearly two months into this process of remembering every day of my life and I notice something else positive.

This conscious effort to remember not just the two months, but the same date in past years, seems to have quietened my mind's propensity to throw in snippets of memory at the most unhelpful moments.

It is not that I could not remember before; some troubling memories and thoughts keep coming back to me with such weariness that I wish there was an off switch. Now I am finding peace within this new habit of remembering what I choose.

The English actor Bill Nighy explained something about the ability to forget in an interview a couple of years ago:
"In the theatre, there are always a couple of shows where you just forget. Somehow you turn off that part of your mind which is out to get you, the bit that undermines you, the self-conscious bit, and everything happens by magic, everything flows, everything's good, every single action you perform, every word you speak, every time you react to something, it all seems to fly. That's the holy grail."

This stayed with me because I think I know the feeling: unable to be in the moment because the past won't be quiet.

Whether exercising my mind by remembering my chosen memory tags will continue to quieten its rebellious nature remains to be seen, particularly as there is undoubtedly embarrassment and hurt to face in the future, as well as in the past.

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