Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Remembering not to cheat on my wife

Every day I see attractive women. Attractive because, by definition, I am attracted to them.

I have never done anything about it when I have been in a relationship. I have never cheated on any partner. Even my Second Life avatar did no more than flirt with a few female friends I made when this became a temporary obsession - I had actually joined as a place to meet my wife when we were in our respective countries for a few weeks, but she was never taken with the idea.

Today I see an attractive women waiting at a bus stop with a child in a push chair. I am not lustful - or at least not solely. I think, I hope you have someone who loves you, treats you well and looks after you. I have a twinge of regret that it won't be me.

I will never have a relationship with her or the many other women I might want to be with, to share our lives, to make laugh, to support when they are down.

I know that any affair would sooner or later pass the electrifying pleasure of finding feelings reciprocated and evolve into familiarity and the risks that brings. That is what happens. I remember.

Fourteen years ago I first caught sight of my wife at a crowded meeting and everyone and everything else receeded. Our relationship began and strengthened to the point where time apart was too much to bear and we resolved to spend the rest of our lives together, through thick and thin.

Seeing an attractive woman sometimes reminds me of that day - and the many days since when I have looked at my wife as if seeing her for the first time, seeing her individuality, her wholeness, and the love between us.

I remember the feeling that I wanted to be the person who loves her, treats her well and looks after her. Today is another chance to do so. 

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