Boundaries

I have a clear memory of laying in bed as a child, touring through the memories of the day and feeling connected to each person who figured.

With a sudden shock I realised that somehow I was separate from them. Though I could remember their words and actions, I could not sense their thought. My consciousness was contained within my own being. There were boundaries, where I ended and they each began.

It may have been that same night, it may have been another, when I thought the memories of my day - my life itself - was like a dream. Perhaps I could wake up (this was long before the film The Matrix had even been conceived, let alonge watched by my young self). The thought seemed immediately erroneous, because if I woke as some strange creature dreaming of being human, that creature too could surely wake. The life I was living, I concluded, was reality.

I don't know how old I was. No more than a few years, I believe.

This came to mind as I have introduced a new aspect to the review of the images pinned to my mental calendar that enable to me recall every day of the past 11 months since I began this process. I am now trying to recall not my view of the day, but that of my wife's. What she was doing, how she was feeling, how our life - and I myself - might appear to her.

It gave me that sensation from long ago in reverse, breaking down the boundaries of consciousness, of where I end and she begins.

It is giving me a fascinating fresh perspective on each day and our relationship.

It also makes me very grateful that the effort put into this process gives me this opportunity.