There is a memory that has haunted me: injuring my father by slamming the trunk of the car down on his head as he reached in.
It wasn't deliberate; I thought he had taken out the last item. I was trying to be helpful.
An added aspect to the horror of this memory is a gang of children from my school were walking by. I was a little self-conscious standing there with my Dad. I intended to slam the trunk down and then turn to greet them as coolly as I could.
Instead the trunk banged onto his head. He shouted and ran into the house howling. I followed while the gang from school looked after us.
During the years since, I have remembered the incident from time to time and cringed.
Then one day over a meal my father related the story of when he had gone into work with a great gash on his head.
He turned it into a funny story about his worry that his colleagues would think his wife had hit him with a frying pan.
The horror and embarrassment at the memory of the thud as the trunk hit his head sent me dizzy once more.
But my father finished his story explaining he had done it to himself by bringing the garage door down upon his head.
"Hang on," I said. "It was me slamming the trunk of the car down on you."
He looked at me as if I was crazy and denied it flat. He had done it to himself.
He hadn't. Probably he had invented the garage door story to avoid blaming either his wife or me when he went in to work. The official story had replaced the truth in his memory.
Suddenly it seemed that all the times I had lamented causing my Dad great pain that day were somehow pointless. If he said I hadn't done it, what was I feeling bad about?
From that day on, rightly or wrongly, the memory bothered me no more.
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Remembering by distraction
I am now attaching full date information to the image I pin to my internal calendar as a memory tag for the day.
So, for example, on 25 February 2012 I was walking round a lake with friends and we sat in a hide to watch the birds on the water.
My memory tag is the view across the lake with my friends seated and standing beside me. The date is there in black font in the sky above the lake. This image calls up the other events of that day.
Thinking back over the past few weeks and adding the date information to my memory tags, something struck me. Somehow having the date to focus on made the image more vivid.
Memories can be slippery things. The more I try to focus on a particular memory and call up details, sometimes the harder it is to latch on to.
For a while I couldn't remember the image for 2 February 2012, so I just focussed on the date. The image then came to mind, fading in behind the date.
It may be an illusion, but it seems easier to pick up on extra details when I have the date there to direct my attention to, as if they are in the corner of my mental eye.
So, for example, on 25 February 2012 I was walking round a lake with friends and we sat in a hide to watch the birds on the water.
My memory tag is the view across the lake with my friends seated and standing beside me. The date is there in black font in the sky above the lake. This image calls up the other events of that day.
Thinking back over the past few weeks and adding the date information to my memory tags, something struck me. Somehow having the date to focus on made the image more vivid.
Memories can be slippery things. The more I try to focus on a particular memory and call up details, sometimes the harder it is to latch on to.
For a while I couldn't remember the image for 2 February 2012, so I just focussed on the date. The image then came to mind, fading in behind the date.
It may be an illusion, but it seems easier to pick up on extra details when I have the date there to direct my attention to, as if they are in the corner of my mental eye.
Monday, 27 February 2012
Full date tags
For over two months I've been adding images to my mental calendar as memory tags to be able to remember each day.
I have realised I need to think of the full date when I review the memory tags.
I am in danger of becoming confused when scrolling back using the number of the day alone.
For example, I quickly remember that the 15th was when I met up with my brother in the Capital, but what month?
It doesn't take long to work out, but as the days pile up it will be far easier to have the month and year immediately associated with the image.
It is not just enough to see the image on the page of the calendar.
I'm now stamping the full date on the image when I first store it in my memory and each time I reconsolidate it in reviews of past days.
I have realised I need to think of the full date when I review the memory tags.
I am in danger of becoming confused when scrolling back using the number of the day alone.
For example, I quickly remember that the 15th was when I met up with my brother in the Capital, but what month?
It doesn't take long to work out, but as the days pile up it will be far easier to have the month and year immediately associated with the image.
It is not just enough to see the image on the page of the calendar.
I'm now stamping the full date on the image when I first store it in my memory and each time I reconsolidate it in reviews of past days.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Narrative
One of the joys of being able to remember every day of the past two months since I began this process of remembering is narratives emerge and are much easier to follow.
I now have enough material pegged down to specific dates.
It was thinking of my friends having a daughter that crystalised this for me this week.
Laura was born on 10 February. I remember receiving the call at about 5 pm in the living room of our flat and handing the phone to my wife so she could also give her congratulations to the parents.
All the times we met them up with them over the past three months come to mind.
They are in my first ever memory tag in this process of remembering on 17 December, going out to lunch with Sandra heavily pregnant.
After Christmas we met on 8 January at their place for lunch. We ate salmon and shared fish-related stories over the dining table.
We met at the café in the library for lunch on 20 January, and shared visa stories: Sandra's aunt was applying for a visa to visit.
We had them round for dinner in our new flat on 25 January - a Wednesday. I can picture them on the sofa as we talk about the imminent arrival and how they have prepared their home.
On 5 February, I travelled with David to the airport to meet her aunt's flight.
We intended to call round on Tuesday 7 February, but Sandra was kept in the hospital after visiting for her check up. My memory tag is sitting with my wife in the car deciding where to go instead.
Their daughter Laura was born on 10 February. I hope to remember her birthday forever.
My memory tag for 11 February is sitting with my wife in a favourite café writing messages in the huge card we had bought them.
We have still to visit as we have colds and don't want to take germs to their house.
Beyond the three months, there are also memories, of course. Hearing about the pregnancy. Meeting Sandra for the first time. Being unable to travel to their wedding. Hearing about her from David for the first time. Some of these memories are foggy. Some are clear, but of unknown date.
I prefer the new way of remembering the story of our lives.
I now have enough material pegged down to specific dates.
It was thinking of my friends having a daughter that crystalised this for me this week.
Laura was born on 10 February. I remember receiving the call at about 5 pm in the living room of our flat and handing the phone to my wife so she could also give her congratulations to the parents.
All the times we met them up with them over the past three months come to mind.
They are in my first ever memory tag in this process of remembering on 17 December, going out to lunch with Sandra heavily pregnant.
After Christmas we met on 8 January at their place for lunch. We ate salmon and shared fish-related stories over the dining table.
We met at the café in the library for lunch on 20 January, and shared visa stories: Sandra's aunt was applying for a visa to visit.
We had them round for dinner in our new flat on 25 January - a Wednesday. I can picture them on the sofa as we talk about the imminent arrival and how they have prepared their home.
On 5 February, I travelled with David to the airport to meet her aunt's flight.
We intended to call round on Tuesday 7 February, but Sandra was kept in the hospital after visiting for her check up. My memory tag is sitting with my wife in the car deciding where to go instead.
Their daughter Laura was born on 10 February. I hope to remember her birthday forever.
My memory tag for 11 February is sitting with my wife in a favourite café writing messages in the huge card we had bought them.
We have still to visit as we have colds and don't want to take germs to their house.
Beyond the three months, there are also memories, of course. Hearing about the pregnancy. Meeting Sandra for the first time. Being unable to travel to their wedding. Hearing about her from David for the first time. Some of these memories are foggy. Some are clear, but of unknown date.
I prefer the new way of remembering the story of our lives.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Bugs Bunny at Disney World
It is recognised that people can honestly believe memories that are false. False memories are a challenge to the criminal justice system. They can even develop into a syndrome affecting relationships if particularly traumatic.
I want to avoid settling for "must have been" memories in this process of remembering every day of my life. One approach is to recognise that a false memory sometimes presents a niggling doubt: I feel like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Experiencing this feeling earlier this week and thinking about false memories reminded me of a study which I read when a teenager. The subjects in the study were shown a brochure for Disney World and then asked if they remembered visiting as a child.
Those that had were questioned in more detail about what they had seen and done. Either voluntarily or when prompted a large number remembered seeing Bugs Bunny. Although Bugs Bunny is not a Disney character, he appeared in one of the photos in the brochure and this had been incorporated into the subjects' recall of their own trip.
They created a false memory incorporating something they thought must have been true. Meeting Bugs Bunny became as real as any other memory.
I remember the report was published in New Scientist magazine, which I read regularly when at school and again when working in Africa in the 1990s.
I know the study involved Bugs Bunny and Disney World.
However, the detail about the brochure is something I have invented, because it sounds feasible; it is not a genuine memory of my own, but a false memory I've created to fill a gap in my story. I recognise this at the moment. Perhaps in the future I will recall my plausible invention as a fact. It could become a false memory.
There is a curious footnote to this posting.
I thought I'd search our great collective memory of the internet to see if there is a reference to this study, even though it predates widespread use of the internet.
I found page after page of search results referring exactly to the Bugs Bunny at Disney World story. Here's one http://www.rickross.com/reference/false_memories/fsm49.html
The only thing is, these reports date from 2001 and I am convinced I read about this study in the late 1970s. Possibly it was when I was in Africa in the 1990s and also reading New Scientist, but it feels longer ago.
I know where I was in 2001 and placing the memory of reading about the study then feels like trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Can I trust this feeling and conclude the study reported in 2001 was a repeat of something from years before? Am I a reliable witness?
If anyone knows for sure, that will help me know whether I can trust this feeling or not.
I will keep looking.
I want to avoid settling for "must have been" memories in this process of remembering every day of my life. One approach is to recognise that a false memory sometimes presents a niggling doubt: I feel like I'm trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Experiencing this feeling earlier this week and thinking about false memories reminded me of a study which I read when a teenager. The subjects in the study were shown a brochure for Disney World and then asked if they remembered visiting as a child.
Those that had were questioned in more detail about what they had seen and done. Either voluntarily or when prompted a large number remembered seeing Bugs Bunny. Although Bugs Bunny is not a Disney character, he appeared in one of the photos in the brochure and this had been incorporated into the subjects' recall of their own trip.
They created a false memory incorporating something they thought must have been true. Meeting Bugs Bunny became as real as any other memory.
I remember the report was published in New Scientist magazine, which I read regularly when at school and again when working in Africa in the 1990s.
I know the study involved Bugs Bunny and Disney World.
However, the detail about the brochure is something I have invented, because it sounds feasible; it is not a genuine memory of my own, but a false memory I've created to fill a gap in my story. I recognise this at the moment. Perhaps in the future I will recall my plausible invention as a fact. It could become a false memory.
There is a curious footnote to this posting.
I thought I'd search our great collective memory of the internet to see if there is a reference to this study, even though it predates widespread use of the internet.
I found page after page of search results referring exactly to the Bugs Bunny at Disney World story. Here's one http://www.rickross.com/reference/false_memories/fsm49.html
The only thing is, these reports date from 2001 and I am convinced I read about this study in the late 1970s. Possibly it was when I was in Africa in the 1990s and also reading New Scientist, but it feels longer ago.
I know where I was in 2001 and placing the memory of reading about the study then feels like trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Can I trust this feeling and conclude the study reported in 2001 was a repeat of something from years before? Am I a reliable witness?
If anyone knows for sure, that will help me know whether I can trust this feeling or not.
I will keep looking.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Avoiding false memories
I can remember every one of the days of the last two months, since beginning this process.
The fact the past does not change certainly makes it easier.
However, buzzing back through three months of Thursdays yesterday to reconsolidate those memory tags, I hit a blank when it came to 12 January.
As it was a Thursday, my wife would have been attending a college course. Taking and/or collecting her from college figures in every Thursday, even if this is not involved in the specific memory tag.
So somehow that must have been part of the day. But using that as a prompt to recall my memory tag felt like trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. I just knew there had been a radically different image for the day.
I don't worry anymore when I hit these blanks.
I have learned that remembering will give me a buzz so rather than panicing, I tell myself relax 'cos there's a buzz coming.
It was the conviction that it was a very different sort of Thursday that reminded me in the end.
It was the one time I hadn't been in town to take my wife. I had gone to the Capital for a meeting. My memory tag for that day was riding a hire bike across town to the train station to make my way home. I was back in time to drive to pick up my wife, but the bike ride was my memory tag, now reconsolidated on my mental calendar.
It would have been easy to just drop in a generic sort of trip to my wife's college and create a false memory.
I have learned from this that I should trust the feeling that a memory is not fitting and not invent must have beens.
The fact the past does not change certainly makes it easier.
However, buzzing back through three months of Thursdays yesterday to reconsolidate those memory tags, I hit a blank when it came to 12 January.
As it was a Thursday, my wife would have been attending a college course. Taking and/or collecting her from college figures in every Thursday, even if this is not involved in the specific memory tag.
So somehow that must have been part of the day. But using that as a prompt to recall my memory tag felt like trying to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. I just knew there had been a radically different image for the day.
I don't worry anymore when I hit these blanks.
I have learned that remembering will give me a buzz so rather than panicing, I tell myself relax 'cos there's a buzz coming.
It was the conviction that it was a very different sort of Thursday that reminded me in the end.
It was the one time I hadn't been in town to take my wife. I had gone to the Capital for a meeting. My memory tag for that day was riding a hire bike across town to the train station to make my way home. I was back in time to drive to pick up my wife, but the bike ride was my memory tag, now reconsolidated on my mental calendar.
It would have been easy to just drop in a generic sort of trip to my wife's college and create a false memory.
I have learned from this that I should trust the feeling that a memory is not fitting and not invent must have beens.
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Synaptic plasticity and magic pills
"Memory-Boosting Drugs Could Be A Step Closer" the media is declaring, with a picture of pills to make the point clearer.
This relates to research just published in the Public Library of Science biology journal with the title: Facilitation of AMPA Receptor Synaptic Delivery as a Molecular Mechanism for Cognitive Enhancement.
It is interesting stuff and very welcome it is published in an open access journal.
Rats treated with a peptide designated FGL had improved spatial learning. This was evaluated by how well they could find their way around a water maize.
The improved learning ability remained even after the peptide had been administered. It had apparently sensitised the brain to lay down memories more effectively.
The authors (who declare having a small shareholding in the company that synthesizes FGL) explain:
How FGL arises naturally in the brain and whether it plays a role in the improved spatial memories of taxi drivers is another question. After all significant brain changes have been found to occur when taxi drivers learn the routes they need to obtain a licence, as the BBC reported in December 2011.
The FGL was actually administered to the rats using "A 22-gauge double-guide injection cannula ... fixed with two screws in the skull using dental cement".
Whether or not FGL has a role to play in future treatment of degenerative disease, there is a way to go to get the FGL to the correct location via the stomach using the pills that are pictured in the media stories.
This relates to research just published in the Public Library of Science biology journal with the title: Facilitation of AMPA Receptor Synaptic Delivery as a Molecular Mechanism for Cognitive Enhancement.
It is interesting stuff and very welcome it is published in an open access journal.
Rats treated with a peptide designated FGL had improved spatial learning. This was evaluated by how well they could find their way around a water maize.
The improved learning ability remained even after the peptide had been administered. It had apparently sensitised the brain to lay down memories more effectively.
The authors (who declare having a small shareholding in the company that synthesizes FGL) explain:
The human brain contains trillions of neuronal connections, called synapses, whose pattern of activity controls all our cognitive functions. These synaptic connections are dynamic and constantly changing in their strength and properties, and this process of synaptic plasticity is essential for learning and memory. Alterations in synaptic plasticity mechanisms are thought to be responsible for multiple cognitive deficits, such as autism, Alzheimer's disease, and several forms of mental retardation. In this study, we show that synapses can be made more plastic using a small protein fragment (peptide) derived from a neuronal protein involved in cell-to-cell communication. This peptide (FGL) initiates a cascade of events inside the neuron that results in the facilitation of synaptic plasticity.Which in my simplification means the physical change that takes place in the brain to form memories take place more readily once FGL has been present.
How FGL arises naturally in the brain and whether it plays a role in the improved spatial memories of taxi drivers is another question. After all significant brain changes have been found to occur when taxi drivers learn the routes they need to obtain a licence, as the BBC reported in December 2011.
The FGL was actually administered to the rats using "A 22-gauge double-guide injection cannula ... fixed with two screws in the skull using dental cement".
Whether or not FGL has a role to play in future treatment of degenerative disease, there is a way to go to get the FGL to the correct location via the stomach using the pills that are pictured in the media stories.
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