Boundaries

I have a clear memory of laying in bed as a child, touring through the memories of the day and feeling connected to each person who figured.

With a sudden shock I realised that somehow I was separate from them. Though I could remember their words and actions, I could not sense their thought. My consciousness was contained within my own being. There were boundaries, where I ended and they each began.

It may have been that same night, it may have been another, when I thought the memories of my day - my life itself - was like a dream. Perhaps I could wake up (this was long before the film The Matrix had even been conceived, let alonge watched by my young self). The thought seemed immediately erroneous, because if I woke as some strange creature dreaming of being human, that creature too could surely wake. The life I was living, I concluded, was reality.

I don't know how old I was. No more than a few years, I believe.

This came to mind as I have introduced a new aspect to the review of the images pinned to my mental calendar that enable to me recall every day of the past 11 months since I began this process. I am now trying to recall not my view of the day, but that of my wife's. What she was doing, how she was feeling, how our life - and I myself - might appear to her.

It gave me that sensation from long ago in reverse, breaking down the boundaries of consciousness, of where I end and she begins.

It is giving me a fascinating fresh perspective on each day and our relationship.

It also makes me very grateful that the effort put into this process gives me this opportunity.

This time for love

I mentioned a while ago about using speed reading techniques to run through the images pinned to my mental calendar to keep down the time my reviews take.

But sometimes I feel a slower review is called for. The period I have been doing this covers the entire time my wife and I rented a flat in my country, which was one of the happiest times of my life.

So a couple of days ago while doing my usual morning review, I made a point of remembering my wife, what she was doing, how she was feeling, how we were getting on.

She doesn't figure in every memory tag, so for those days I might not remember anything specific.

But she figures in plenty.

Sometimes it is said people live on in the memories of those that love them.

This exercise brought home to me what that means.

In some ways it is beautiful to hold someone in your mind, but in others it is very frightening, because even remembering so much more than I used to, the memories are merely moments representing many hours.

I might add, I also realised my memories of someone reflect how I see them.

In the rush of life - and the rush of my review process - it is sometimes good to focus on the love.

How long does it take?

I run through the images pinned to my mental calendar pretty quickly these days.

I'm usually done in the time it takes me to wake up properly.

Recently (16 November) I did a day-by-day recall of the past nearly 11 months (I began this process on 17 December 2011) during my 30-minute morning run. It was plenty of time.

Eleven months

I now have over 11 months of memory tags, helping me to remember every day that passes.

In fact, as we left my wife's country on 19 November 2011 for my own, and had an eventful time when we arrived, I have added memory tags retrospectively for days before I began this process.

It is kind of nice to see where this is going. As time continues its relentless transit through the days, I will know exactly where I was and what I was doing on the same date the year before.

But I'm wondering how my current review method will bear up.

I'm not confident enough yet to let go of recalling three days per week from when I began this process on 17 December 2011 to a month before the present day, then every day for the past month. But it takes longer each time.

Hopefully some new method will emerge as the days overlap with a year ago.

Visceral fat

Some years ago I was tested on a sophisticated body-fat scale which passed currents of different frequencies between hands and feet to build up a picture of where body fat was deposited.

This was when I learned that I had an unhealthy level of visceral fat, that is fat around the organs, such as the liver. From a health point of view this is worse than subcutaneous fat deposited under the skin.

Even though I didn't look fat, I long wanted to lose this fat.

The intermittent fasting diet seems to be doing it. That is not only shown by the less sophisticated body-fat scale I last used in the local pharmacy, but because I feel my stomach cavity deflating.

Indeed, my memory tag for 19 October 2012 is suddenly finding I am able to flex my belly muscles without feeling I am having to pull in a resisting mass of organs.

It is a satisfying feeling of recaptured youth.

A change of scene

I am now beyond the 300 day milestone in this processing of remembering every day that passes.

It continues to go surprisingly well.

I am really appreciating having the memory tags stretching back into December last year as there has been a change of scene. We reurned to my wife's country a little over a week ago. One espisode has come to an end and another has begun.

With such a sharp break, it is as if a book has been slammed shut. I was a little worried that it would suddenly become much harder to review the days spent in the previous episode of my life.

As when we moved to my country, it doesn't take long at all to feel like I have never been away. The experience of now joins with the experience of last time, which can squeeze out the time in between.

However, with my morning reviews of some of the images pinned to my mental calendar over the past 300+ days the eventful time we spent visting family, travelling to the Olympics and Paralympics and so on remains vivid and real. As do the more mundane events. In fact, every day is there.

One month weight loss

It is one month since I began the intermittent fasting regime.

My weight this morning is 81 kg, which is a loss of 5 kg over the month.

I'm feeling better for it, even if this is much faster than I expected.

Running is becoming easier and 10 km is now my standard distance, with a time of one hour - not fast, but my focus has been on finishing and not hurting myself, rather than speed. The calories burned by running three or four times a week has also been having an impact on my calorie deficit, of course.

Low calorie days have been easy to fit into my routine so far, and no great hardship. Half my usual breakfast leaves me feeling hungry by 6 pm, which a light snack is enough to take off. Fruit teas, an afternoon coffee (to stop me getting a caffeine withdrawal headache) and possibly an apple, keeps me within the 600 calories limit.

On non-fasting days I eat well, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and a bit more meat, fish and cheese than normal as I think I need to keep protein intake up.

For the next week we are staying with my parents before leaving to visit my wife's country and I've been eating particularly well since I've been here. How much that will impact on the downward trend remains to be seen.

This puts my BMI onto 23.4, at the upper end of the green on this calculator from the UK's NHS:
http://www.nhs.uk/tools/pages/healthyweightcalculator.aspx

I want to lose a further 5 kg and then stabilise. How that will work out remains to be seen.