When were we here?

I often surprise family and friends these days when we visit somewhere and someone says, "When were we last here?"

On a recent trip to a café, I was able to reply, "October 17, 2013. It was a Thursday and we stopped here on the way to visit that place in the countryside."

I even remembered what we had eaten and that in our subsequent visit we had spent some time identifying trees. The trees are included in my memory tag for the day as a way to store the features I need to identify them in future.

I was with my parents on both trips. My mother is suffering memory loss, which is becoming progressively worse. She asked repeatedly if we had been to the café before, even though it is one we have visited many times over the years, though most of those visits are lost in the mists before I began this process of remembering every day that passes.

Eventually my mother stopped asking if we had been to the café before, but then started to say she had been to the café just a few weeks ago. Somehow she had now connected with a past memory, but could not place it in time.

It is sad to see my Mother's memory failing her like this. I wonder if I am destined to suffer the same way in my old age and whether this process will have any impact on what happens.

Roaming free

As I wrote last time, this process of remembering every day that passes collapsed under the number of accumulated days at the end of April.

After a pause, I was ready to start again.

I began with a memory reboot. This is where I start on 17 December 2011 and recall the images pinned to my mental calendar as memory tags one day after the other. I aim to cover several months in a day, so after a couple of weeks have caught up.

This time things have been different.

I did the reboot through 2012 and 2013. Then stopped. I didn't feel like doing the same through 2014.

Instead, I continued with my short-term review only. To date, this has covered the past 6 months. I review two days per week. So as today is Thursday, I would review Wednesday and Thursday of each week.

But that felt like too much effort. I was still in need of a lighter regime. So instead of 6 months, I've kept the short-term review to the days of 2016 only.

It's been much more relaxed.

Then I became a little concerned that the images pinned to my mental calendar to remember the end of 2015 might fade as they had dropped out of regular reviews earlier than in my 6-month review approach. Rather than resuming the 6-month review, I've done a separate two-day window review of the whole of 2015.

But again, in a more relaxed way.

This is how it has gone for the past few days.

Monday: I reviewed Monday and Tuesday of every week from 4 January 2016 to a month ago, then every day of the past month.

Tuesday: I reviewed Tuesday and Wednesday of every week in 2015. Then every day of the last month.

Wednesday: I reviewed Wednesday and Thursday of every week from 6 January 2016 to a month ago, then every day of the past month.

Today (Thursday): I will review Thursday and Friday of every week in 2015. Then every day of the last month.

My idea is to follow this sequence until I have looped round to the Monday and Tuesday of every week in 2015. That will complete a memory reboot of 2015.

Then I think I'll do a reboot of 2014 in some way. Either sequentially or this two-day window technique.

My feeling and hope is that these completed years are now familiar landscapes. Perhaps I no longer need the discipline of a rigid method to ensure that I refresh the days within a certain time frame.

I can return to any of the full calendars of memory tags when I choose to roam over them.

Withdrawal and perspective

My refresh technique for reinforcing the images pinned to my mental calendar as memory tags was collapsing at the end of April.

So I thought it was time for a pause. I know that I can do a memory reboot, so do not fear stopping. A reboot is where over a period of a couple of weeks I run through the images on my mental calendar sequentially from 17 December 2011 when I began this process of remembering every day that passes. I cover several months a day in free mental time and can then return to whatever method I was using to refresh just a selection of images for each week or month.

I've been remembering every day that passes for over four and half years, so thought I would simply stop for a week or two.

What happened took me by surprise.

Normally - in what has become normal - I often use free mental time to revisit my mental calendar.

Without that distraction I found my mind to focus more on current events, particularly those causing me stress.

From the time before I began this process, I used various phrases to help me cope with stress. Such as "give me more strength". These are to supplant negative thoughts like, "I can't stand any more", or the taunting, self-critical thoughts that come unbidden to anyone sometimes when life is overwhelming.

I found over the several days without my refresh technique that both my coping phrases and taunting thoughts became much more prevalent. I was reminded how draining these can be.

In fact, so draining, that I returned to my mental calendars sooner than I had intended.

Here's why.

It is not for the distraction.

It is not to live in the past.

It is for perspective.

All things pass.

Alighting on the threads of the tapestry of the past few years reminded me of both good times and bad times. Reminded me of my strength. And brought home the passage of time.

Perspective.

That is the greatest gift this process gives me. It is beneficial to my stress levels and mental health.

The nature of my refresh techniques means that the images and events I recall are chosen simply due to their position on my mental calendar. Although the days selected are not random, the events and moods are. I do not tug at particular memories, but see the diversity of separate threads and so gain an overview of the rich tapestry of my life.

However, as I will explain in my next post, I have not returned to my past refresh technique. As often happens when a system collapses under the weight of the accumulated days, a new approach emerges.